The Fearless Blogger

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

This post is dedicated to Danny and Annie.  And to finding our own Danny or Annie in each of our lives.

Be warned: This will probably make you cry. Or at least have your eyes well up!

Hat tip (and a big hug):  Ahmed Naguib

Yay! | photo credit: Lou Adzima

As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m furthering my goal to share as much of my story, with as many people who will listen, by posting excerpts of my writings from my 10-week experience with the Speak For Success’s Women’s Leadership Institute.

The prior posts have focused on where I was and were written prior to my acceptance to the program. Today’s post is the “transcript” of my speech I presented at our graduation. Although it, too, includes information about my past, it’s done so from a different vantage point and also continues to where I am now and what I am moving towards.

(Note: I’ve added section headings to help visually break up the different sections. They were not read as part of the speech.)

My Graduation Day Speech

Looking Back
Viewing life as a journey means living in the moment.

Still, it’s important to pause, to look back at the past. Like looking back down the mountain during a long hike, reflecting on past milestones reframes my perspective of where I am now, enhancing my appreciation of how far I’ve come.

A year ago, ashamed and embarrassed to tell friends what was going on, I’d isolated myself from everyone but my boyfriend.

Getting ready to share

My life was on my couch, blinds shut, blocking out the time of day. My boyfriend hadn’t stepped inside the door in six months, since even basic housekeeping had become too overwhelming for me.

I’d make plans I wouldn’t keep and spend days online trying to find work.

And I cleaned my ears.

Later, I’d learn it was OCD, exacerbated by stress and a change in medication. At the time, I only knew that I’d lose whole days – and sometimes nights – compulsively poking at my ears and it was gross, it was dangerous and it was something I didn’t want anyone to know about.

When I Knew I Needed to Change My Life
Waiting online at a food pantry –my food stamp benefits cancelled because I’d forgotten to file the paperwork in typical ADHD fashion – I knew something had to change.

I emailed my mother. I told her what my life had become. In admitting this to her, I would finally admit to myself what was going on.

I have a disability. My mental illness can be just as debilitating as a physical one. Recovery is not something I can manage on my own.

I shared this with my mother.

I asked for help.

What I Learned
When a cat is sick, its natural instinct is to hide its symptoms as long as possible.  Cats feel vulnerable exposing weakness and will expend a lot of effort to not act sick. A cat’s illness often has reached a crisis stage by the time we notice something’s wrong.

A Life-Changing Experience

What I learned about myself from this experience is that my cats & I share more in common than just our love of days spent napping and eating. Unwilling to make myself vulnerable others, my life reached a crisis stage before I’d let anyone see something was wrong.

When I applied to the Women’s Leadership program, I’d been on my journey for several months. I was able to recognize the distance I’d covered.  The steep path ahead was in my sight, and I was motivated to reach the summit. But, my lack of confidence, damaged self-esteem, and unfamiliarity with the upcoming landscape had stalled me in my path.

The Women’s Leadership Program helped me find my inner compass, and learn to trust it. I’ve learned how to create my own map. I can face the possibility that I may stray from my path, maybe even get lost, with confidence, because I’ve learned the skills to find my way back.

Where I Am
And, ten weeks later, I stand here, looking out at you from that summit.

I didn’t climb that steep path alone. Even as I pushed through the most arduous stretches, with my classmates – my sisters – and teachers by my side, I’ve loved every single moment and appreciate that each step brings its reward.

For a moment I stand still. Not stalled, but paused, to celebrate my accomplishment. Just as I’ve learned the value of looking back at where I’ve been, from this vista I am able to look forward at what lies ahead.

Oh, yeah! | photo credit: Lou Adzima

Where I’m Going
I continue on my journey with two new goals. The first, to seek out opportunities to share my story, so others like me might connect with it.  We can feel stronger when we know we’re not alone.  And I’m off to a running start: A CNN.com feature on overcoming phobias related my experiences as their example. (OK – so, at this point, the audience clapped and cheered!*)

The second goal points me to my next destination. I’ll be getting my coaching certification so I can help others adults with ADHD find the tools they need for journeys of their own.

Mom was there to share the celebration! | photo credit: Lou Adzima

*As a little background: I only mentioned the CNN post because several of my instructors asked me to add it to my speech. It wasn’t until about 10 minutes before I had to be out the door that I finally thought of a way to integrate it into my speech in a way that seemed to somewhat flow. Needless to say, standing on a stage and having over 150 people cheer you on is an incredible feeling (I highly recommend it). To have so many people recognize this particular achievement was probably one of the highest moments of my life.

I found this clip when I was looking for the Chris Farley videos for last next week’s post.

This is dedicated to anyone who may have been feeling – or maybe just realized – they’ve been “phoning it in” lately.

Hopefully it will inspire you to remember what it’s like to want to give 100% and maybe find your way back to that.

At the very least, it starts your week out with a solid dose of Steve Martin and a smile.

Just remember: If Rob Schneider can do it, so can you!

click image to get your own Conan Hair portrait via Buzzfeed.com

The recent NBC “Tonight Show” battle has provided a wealth of video clips as each host and their supporters take on-air jabs at each other.

Of all the clips making the rounds this one may be the least current, but (in my opinion) it’s the most successful at making Leno look like a jerk.  Proving that no one does a better job of making Jay look like an a-hole than Jay, it’s a clip of Leno’s 2004 announcement of his plans to hand the Tonight Show over to Conan in 2009.

Some classic quotes:

When I took this show over, boy there was a lot of animosity between me and Dave and who’s going to get it, and quite frankly a lot of good friendships were permanently damaged and I don’t want to see anybody have to go through that again.

You know, this show is like a dynasty. You hold it and then you hand it off to the next person and I don’t want to see all the fighting and all the who’s better and nasty things back and forth in the press so right now, here it is:

Conan it’s yours. See you in five years, buddy.

As James Poniewozik points out in his post about the video

. . .the biggest danger to Leno among the audience is not his money, or sympathy for Conan, or the notion that he was somehow pulling the strings behind NBC’s decision. It’s being seen as a phony. Or, more to the point, actually being a phony.

People will forgive a lot of comedians they love. They’ll forgive affairs, offensive remarks, arrests, jokes that crossed a line. But they rely on guys like Leno to puncture other people’s phoniness and to have an impeccable B.S. detector. . .

My guess is Leno’s B.S. detector finally broke down from the stress of Leno setting it off himself so frequently.

Update: I found this clip of Conan’s 2004 announcement on Funny or Die & I thought it was worth including

I'm with Coco! (image courtesy of sirmikeofmitchell.com)

For months I’ve been perplexed, trying to figure out what is was that made the Leno show suck so very, painfully badly.

Confession: I used to enjoy Leno on the Tonight Show. I’ll even admit to being a bit of a fan.  One that even followed Kevin Eubanks on Twitter. I actually was excited to watch the premiere of his prime time show.

I didn’t make it past the first half hour.  Leno’s performance in his new time slot was so bad that I couldn’t even tolerate it as background noise.  I found it to suck to such a degree that its extreme suckiness was a distraction. It’s douche chill bad.

Did he lose his writers? Is it the lack of a couch?  Did taking so much time off impact Jay’s confidence? How could a show be THAT bad? What happened?! These were the questions that buzzed around my brain each night at 1opm since September 14, 2009.

Mystery Solved
Based on recent events, I finally have a theory. Sucking that badly was no accident: Leno’s been sucking intentionally!

It’s all part of his master plan to get his old spot back hosting the “Tonight Show” and NBC execs were in on it too.

How else do you explain the chain of events that boils down to NBC rewarding Leno’s abysmal ratings by giving him exactly what he wanted all along? read more