The Fearless Blogger

I’ll admit it – I’m in a crappy mood.

Maybe it’s my meds. Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe I’m just scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I’m with you - ooops! That’s Baby in Dirty Dancing, not me! Got a bit carried away there!

Whatever the reason  (I’m sure if I spent another couple of minutes, I could list at least five more), I’m cranky and I’m irritated and am not about to take it out on my cats – and certainly not on you. (I love you! You know that! Right? OK – we’ll talk more bout that later – remind me!)

I’d say it’s possible I got up on the wrong side of the bed – only I still don’t have a friggin  bed to sleep in, thanks to a combination of careless movers, poor timing, ADHD-procrastinated paperwork, and just overall shoddy customer service from Priority Moving.

So, I’m in the mood to vent. I’m wanting  to share some of the frustration that the random dingbats and doody-heads (you heard me right!) are bringing into my life.

Still, I don’t want to turn my blog into a ranting bitch-fest.

What’s a girl to do? read more

One of the most vital lessons I’ve learned this past year is the importance of reaching out for help.

The Speak for Success Women’s Leadership Institute is accepting nominations for its “Women Changing the World” Award.

As I’ve expressed in my most recent blog posts, the Women’s Leadership Institute was a life-changing experience for me. Over the past decade or so I’ve participated in my share of leadership trainings, goal-setting workshops and motivational seminars at some world-class organizations. Hands down, I gained more during my 10 weeks with Speak for Success than I have from all of my other experiences combined.

What does this have to do with asking for help?
(Be patient, grasshopper, I am getting there!)

I’ve yet to figure out how to succinctly articulate the impact the Women’s Leadership Institute has already made in my life – as well as in the lives of my classmates. (The words that come to mind just sound cliche and don’t embody the spirit of the organization quite well enough to do it justice.) Equally difficult has been finding a way to adequately express my gratitude to Dana and the other women who gave me this opportunity.

One way I am able to demonstrate my gratitude is to lend my voice – and my community – to  spread the information about Speak for Success and its events to as many people as I can reach.

Will you help me? By giving just two minutes of your time, you can help give countless women back their lives.

To make it simple, below are 10 ways help Speak for Success change other women’s lives as it changed mine (most of these can be completed in 2 minutes or less):

1. Tweet a link to this post
2. Share this post on Facebook
3. Share this post on LinkedIn
4. Email a link to this post to your friends
5. Link to this post on your blog
6. Write about the “Women Changing the World” Award nominations on your blog. (copy & paste this to make it easy)
7. Nominate a woman who is changing the world (details below)
8. Are you a woman changing the world? If so, encourage others to nominate you!
9. Consider sponsoring (or asking your employer/company to sponsor) the event
10. Have another idea to help get the word out? Please share it in the comments below!
11. (bonus!) Connect with Speak for Success on Facebook
12. (another bonus!) Follow @Speak4Success on Twitter

Thank you for helping me!

Note: Although the awards event is in San Diego, I’ve confirmed that nominations are open to any women – regardless of location – as long as they can be in San Diego to attend the awards ceremony

Nominations for the 2010 “Women Changing the World” Award are now open. Entering its second year, this program recognizes San Diego area women leaders who have made significant contributions encouraging, supporting, and empowering women and families in their organizations and communities.

The “Women Changing the World” Award is sponsored by the Speak for Success Women’s Leadership Institute, an extraordinary program that provides an enriching empowerment and leadership program to women overcoming serious adversities including domestic violence, homelessness, addiction, and mental illness. Graduates of the Women’s Leadership Institute go on to become inspirational leaders in the community, helping others as they help themselves succeed.

This year’s winners will represent some of the finest examples of leadership, inspiration and community service. The Call for Nominations plays an integral role in that process. We encourage your participation, and invite you to join us in celebrating the contributions made by these extraordinary women who are your colleagues, peers, mentors, friends and family. Nominations across the diverse sectors and industries of San Diego are welcome. Examples include but are not limited to community, government, business, nonprofit services, science, medicine, law, arts, media, academia, philanthropy, family, and so on.

Previous recipients including Karny Stefan, CEO, Walden Family Services; Mary Marcdante, author and motivational speaker; Dr. Carolle Jean Murat, physician and medical director of the Wellness and Retreat Center, San Diego; Helice Bridges, Founder & President of Difference Makers International; and Gael Strack, JD, Co-Founder and CEO, National Family Justice Center Alliance.

DEADLINE FOR ENTRY IS Friday, August 27. Nominations may be submitted as an attachment via email or completed online. No exceptions to the deadline, please.

The Selection Committee is looking for nominees who meet the following criteria:

• Is available to attend the September 25, 2010 awards event from 6:00 – 9:30 p.m. in person to receive her recognition.
• Has achieved personal and career goals.
• Has overcome adversity in her life.
• Is an inspiring role model.
• Is a leader in the community and/or her organization.
• Empowers other women to reach their full potential.
• Gives back to the community in a significant way.

Please click here for the 2010 Nomination Form. Complete your form online, or email a copy of your completed nomination to womenleaders@speakforsuccess.com

For 2010 Women Changing the World Sponsor Information, click here or email dana@speakforsuccess.com

For additional information regarding nominations call Debbie Lousberg: 760-941-5166 or email: womenleaders@speakforsuccess.com

Visit: www.SpeakForSuccessWomenLeaders.org

Yay! | photo credit: Lou Adzima

As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m furthering my goal to share as much of my story, with as many people who will listen, by posting excerpts of my writings from my 10-week experience with the Speak For Success’s Women’s Leadership Institute.

The prior posts have focused on where I was and were written prior to my acceptance to the program. Today’s post is the “transcript” of my speech I presented at our graduation. Although it, too, includes information about my past, it’s done so from a different vantage point and also continues to where I am now and what I am moving towards.

(Note: I’ve added section headings to help visually break up the different sections. They were not read as part of the speech.)

My Graduation Day Speech

Looking Back
Viewing life as a journey means living in the moment.

Still, it’s important to pause, to look back at the past. Like looking back down the mountain during a long hike, reflecting on past milestones reframes my perspective of where I am now, enhancing my appreciation of how far I’ve come.

A year ago, ashamed and embarrassed to tell friends what was going on, I’d isolated myself from everyone but my boyfriend.

Getting ready to share

My life was on my couch, blinds shut, blocking out the time of day. My boyfriend hadn’t stepped inside the door in six months, since even basic housekeeping had become too overwhelming for me.

I’d make plans I wouldn’t keep and spend days online trying to find work.

And I cleaned my ears.

Later, I’d learn it was OCD, exacerbated by stress and a change in medication. At the time, I only knew that I’d lose whole days – and sometimes nights – compulsively poking at my ears and it was gross, it was dangerous and it was something I didn’t want anyone to know about.

When I Knew I Needed to Change My Life
Waiting online at a food pantry –my food stamp benefits cancelled because I’d forgotten to file the paperwork in typical ADHD fashion – I knew something had to change.

I emailed my mother. I told her what my life had become. In admitting this to her, I would finally admit to myself what was going on.

I have a disability. My mental illness can be just as debilitating as a physical one. Recovery is not something I can manage on my own.

I shared this with my mother.

I asked for help.

What I Learned
When a cat is sick, its natural instinct is to hide its symptoms as long as possible.  Cats feel vulnerable exposing weakness and will expend a lot of effort to not act sick. A cat’s illness often has reached a crisis stage by the time we notice something’s wrong.

A Life-Changing Experience

What I learned about myself from this experience is that my cats & I share more in common than just our love of days spent napping and eating. Unwilling to make myself vulnerable others, my life reached a crisis stage before I’d let anyone see something was wrong.

When I applied to the Women’s Leadership program, I’d been on my journey for several months. I was able to recognize the distance I’d covered.  The steep path ahead was in my sight, and I was motivated to reach the summit. But, my lack of confidence, damaged self-esteem, and unfamiliarity with the upcoming landscape had stalled me in my path.

The Women’s Leadership Program helped me find my inner compass, and learn to trust it. I’ve learned how to create my own map. I can face the possibility that I may stray from my path, maybe even get lost, with confidence, because I’ve learned the skills to find my way back.

Where I Am
And, ten weeks later, I stand here, looking out at you from that summit.

I didn’t climb that steep path alone. Even as I pushed through the most arduous stretches, with my classmates – my sisters – and teachers by my side, I’ve loved every single moment and appreciate that each step brings its reward.

For a moment I stand still. Not stalled, but paused, to celebrate my accomplishment. Just as I’ve learned the value of looking back at where I’ve been, from this vista I am able to look forward at what lies ahead.

Oh, yeah! | photo credit: Lou Adzima

Where I’m Going
I continue on my journey with two new goals. The first, to seek out opportunities to share my story, so others like me might connect with it.  We can feel stronger when we know we’re not alone.  And I’m off to a running start: A CNN.com feature on overcoming phobias related my experiences as their example. (OK – so, at this point, the audience clapped and cheered!*)

The second goal points me to my next destination. I’ll be getting my coaching certification so I can help others adults with ADHD find the tools they need for journeys of their own.

Mom was there to share the celebration! | photo credit: Lou Adzima

*As a little background: I only mentioned the CNN post because several of my instructors asked me to add it to my speech. It wasn’t until about 10 minutes before I had to be out the door that I finally thought of a way to integrate it into my speech in a way that seemed to somewhat flow. Needless to say, standing on a stage and having over 150 people cheer you on is an incredible feeling (I highly recommend it). To have so many people recognize this particular achievement was probably one of the highest moments of my life.

click me so you can read all the funny-ness (and watch your entire day disappear as you get sucked into the Hyperbole and a Half time vortex)

This is why I love Allie Brosh.

And why you should subscribe to Hyperbole and a Half.

Right now.

(Go ahead, I’ll wait.)

I wanted to tell Allie I no longer have blonde hair and do not have a pink dress, and to please stop reading my diary.

Then I wondered how someone who lives in Montana and doesn’t know me was able to get access to my diary.

Then I realized I don’t keep a diary.

Huh.

(Just to make sure we’re on the same page: I think this is funny and you should read it: Hyperbole and a Half: This is Why I’ll Never be an Adult.)

As I said in yesterday’s post:

I’m ready to share my story, with hope that others like me might connect with it.  We can feel stronger when we know we’re not alone.

I’ve spent the past ten weeks experiencing just how true that is.

This Saturday I will be celebrating my graduation from the Women’s Leadership Institute’s Program for Women Who Have Overcome Adversity.  You’ll be hearing more about it – as I described it to my boyfriend on my drive back from orientation: “This is like Oprah-level stuff!”.  For now, I encourage you to visit the website or Facebook page.

My next few blog posts will be excerpts from my writings during the program.  Today’s post is actually from my application, in response to the question: “How will participating in the Women’s Leadership Institute Program impact your life?”

Just as I shared my story there, I now share it here, with you.

Sharing my stories with others is important to me. I have found the ability to connect with someone that has been where you are – to find a person that you identify with – can afford a more powerful therapeutic value than any medication or support manual could provide. I see a need for more role models for women with ADHD, OCD or other mental illnesses. If others can benefit from the lessons my experiences have taught me, I think it would be selfish not to share to what I’ve learned.

By giving me the opportunity learn about the adversities that others have overcome, I’ll also be able to learn by example that my past need not dictate my future. These accomplishments of the other participants, and the women that completed the program before us, will provide me with the inspiration to set goals that surpass merely surviving and reaffirm my potential to create a life in which I thrive.

Your blog contains a quote by Anna Quinlan that resonates with me:

If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.

Previously my success was not on my own terms, and although it looked good to the world, it did not feel good in my heart.

I’m optomistic that, with the right structure, framework, tools, and support, I’ll be able to identify what my true success looks like and the momentum to fully achieve it.

Like Leaping Lucy, I too shall soar!

Until recently, my past success may not have been on my terms or felt good in my heart at the time. Still, those accomplishments currently remain in my heart, filling it with evidence that – empowered with the proper guidance – I have the ability to define and achieve the terms of my future success.