The Fearless Blogger

sadly, no joke

If you read my most recent blog post, then you know I’m a fan of Rainn Wilson’s tweets.  It was through one of said tweets that I became aware of what I am about to share.

Warning:  What I am about to share is not for the faint of heart!

Close your eyes (humor me for a moment, if you will) and imagine the year is 2003 (cue “In da Club” by 50 Cent or Clay Aiken singing “Invincible” – your choice).  On second thought, don’t close your eyes, because then you won’t be able to read this.  Instead, just use your imagination with your eyes open (Train’s “Calling all Angels” is now playing).

Your friend (to keep it gender neutral, let’s name your friend “Pat”) calls and invites you to catch a movie.  The flick Pat has in mind recently debuted at the Sundance Film Festival and features Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey, Patricia Arquette, Peter Dinklage, David Alan Grier and Gary Oldman.

Pat has a coupon for a free popcorn and even offers to drive.  Of course you accept the invitation.

Fast forward six years to now (hopefully this doesn’t require too far a stretch of your imagination – cue Lady Gaga singing about her Pokerface if it helps).

Question:  Pat calls today and invites you to a movie.  Based on Pat’s track record, do you accept?

Need more information before you answer?  OK – I’ll indulge you.

Ladies and gentleman, for your viewing pleasure, I present the trailer for the movie you attended with Pat back in 2003:

Tiptoes
“It’s the Little Things in Life that Matter”

This is not a drill, folks!  This is the real thing!   Seriously – I know your heart and your mind are saying – nay, screaming: “This must be the creation of some clever Mac-wielding jokester with a warped sense of humor. This can’t possibly be real.”

I know, I know – trust me, I’ve been there too.  But we need to accept the reality that is an actual movie so we can move on with our lives.  (By the way, knowing what you know now, how would you answer my question about Pat, above?)

How this cinematic masterpiece slipped past my radar when in was released is a mystery to me.  (Although it clearly didn’t register on the Academy’s radar either.)

I’ll be honest, I haven’t actually seen the movie – I’ve only watched the trailer and read the synopsis. But I’m not sure I have to see the movie to sit in judgment.  Case in point: its IMDB “quotes” section contains this single entry:

Carol:  So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would love to see that!

Frankly, all things considered, I’m not sure which of the following is more unbelievable:

1. This movie was entertaining in anything other than an “it’s-so-bad-it’s-good” way.
2. Gary Oldman as a little person.
3. Either Matthew McConaughey or Kate Beckinsale as Jews.

On another note, this very well might answer the question: “Where did Matthew McConaughey’s career go wrong?”

 Link to this page

 Link to this page

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